Mario Solis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7SPPG_2oY

Isn’t it interesting how those you are infatuated with can make you feel disgust? Mostly at the things they choose to waste their time on, and when I say waste, I mean they lose time and energy (and youth!)that could be spent on something much better, something that you believe in, if you are the kind of person that I am, you know that thing is you. Sadly they don’t, and it’s not that you haven’t tried, it’s just that your attempt to bring them in failed… You just weren’t good enough. No. You are plenty good… In the long run… shortsightedness is the enemy…I can rant, but I’m thoughtful enough to know I’m not innocent, I am not without faults, I am not without some amount of hypocrisy… it’s possible we have turned away suitors for the same reason suitors have passed us by (I use “we” because I doubt that I am alone in this). Alas, I choose to write, for therapy, for the future. How the latter works, is that I will use this post in the future, if I am blessed with answered prayers to end my endless days of unrequited love, as a reminder that the good I have then may be ephemeral and I shall make the most of it and appreciate it knowing I desire it, cons and all, above having it NOT.

—-

♪ ♫ What do I deserve instead? It’s a surprise, you haven’t caught on yet. It’s nothing personal, you’re an embarrassment. Don’t cut me out!♪ ♫

The lyrics are from a band called Circa Survive the specific song being Holding Someone’s Hair Back (an allusion to what we are willing to do for someone? I think of the title as a reference to when a woman is throwing up from a night of heavy drinking and they need someone to hold their hair back so they don’t get vomit in it… and of course it’s something I would do myself for a girl I desired, even though I disapprove and am disgusted that she is behaving in this manner).

I interpret the lyrics cited as a conversation between the lover and the beloved, the italics being the rejecting words aimed at the unrequited lover from the beloved.

This is all part of my attempt to soundtrack and score my posts to make them more interesting and more insightful. Sharing the music helps share the feelings: CATHARSIS!

I guess the band is technically “emo”, but I think they are good so give them a listen… 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-j7uwK3pK6E

As you all should know, I delete people from Facebook for saying “FML” or any variation of the term I find stupid and/or annoying (38 individuals since November). I also delete people I think are racists ESPECIALLY against illegal immigrants (3 people so far including a once best friend). Now I will also remove girls that bitch about “ALL GUYS” being the same. I’m not putting up with that ignorant shit PERIOD. There are stupid-ass men AND women in about equal amounts and there is no need to generalize or polarize. As a man that does not do the stupid shit I hear so many of girl friends bitch about, I am deeply offended when they decide to stereotype males as a class of mindless idiots that think only with their penises. It’s absolute and abhorrent bullshit. What appears to be the case is that girls want to have it all in their mates, they want good looks, intelligence AND stability (usually monetary I think but emotionally works too). Well, if you find that, good for fucking-you, but if you don’t (and you probably won’t) don’t complain, be grateful for what you get. I apologize that us nice and stable guys aren’t attractive enough for you, but in life you have to make compromises, and you must remember that there is shit wrong with you that your partner has to put up with also.

(Do click on the hyperlink if you will, it’s a nice graph outlining what women want and the choice they must make and it works for men too.)

Once in a while, I get creative and I like to write down my ideas. Usually it’s short bits or scenes I think of for a comedy that I would like to make with my friends one day or lyrics that I came up with and like a lot. Today I thought of a deeply emotional dramatic scene for a serious film. Here goes!…

Scene: Young man, early 20’s talking to girl, they have been spending time together and bonding. Near the end of the day [possibly after having had drinks, but that’s not essential] they are together reminiscing about the past… the topic of crying comes up… She asks him when the last time he cried is…

“You know, the last day I cried, I ended up crying twice that day. Once in the morning and later in the afternoon as that initial event that made me cry was compounded by a struggle-filled day afterward. It was the day I asked you how you felt about me. Remember? When I was trying so hard to get you to go out with me and you were just too busy? [laughs it off] I’m the kind of guy where I would rather know that you want nothing to do with me than to be haunted by the mystery that is not knowing if you would return my feelings. So I asked you straight up and you told me you just liked me as a friend. You know, initially I was relieved, not because you rejected me, but because I knew you rejected me, I knew and I didn’t NOT know, I no longer had to spend so much time thinking about it and stressing over not knowing. I said ‘Ok, fair enough’ and I told you to have a good day at work. The conversation could’ve ended then, but you’re a nice girl, you decided you would try to soothe my wounds… you told me we could still have kids together… [clears throat, clearly affected by where the conversation has gone…]

You have no idea what that did to me… it shattered me inside… it hurt so bad that you said that. On one side, it made me feel pathetic, that after I joked so long about us having kids and you continually denying that, you wait til after you reject my advance to succumb to my procreation demands in order to make me feel better about myself. That was bad enough, but what broke me was the thought of those kids. You know, for weeks I had thought about them, I had created them in my head and fantasized about what they would be like, but never so vividly as when you told me that. I could see them and it hurt, because unlike before, I had been made aware that they were never going to exist. Those kids I had grown to love were never going to be born, they would never be in my life… that day was the day they died. When something that comes from you dies, it’s like a part of yourself dies, and that’s pain, the same pain I felt that day, knowing our kids were never going to be real….”

For the sake of not losing the audience, there might need to be a scene (flashback?) where they guy is shown talking about having kids with the girl, who says it’s never going to happen. There might also need to be a scene about the day he asked her how she felt about him and she said she just liked him as a friend… the line regarding the kids should be mentioned…. also those two past conversations happened via text message so that she was not physically around when he started crying.

I wish I could write a whole story around this scene. I just might, although I wouldn’t quite bet on my creativity producing anything worthwhile yet, but I am young and have a lot ahead of me.